Apple iPad 2 Rant

I’m such a pathetic schlub.

Why you ask? Because in spite of Apple taking the laziest upgrade paths on the iPad 2, I’m still buying one. And secondly, having dutifully waited until March 11 for the launch (after having passed on iPad1 because it didn’t quite do it for me),  I ordered one from Apple.com in the hopes that I would have one in tow with me when I go on vacation in a week. I’ve since found out that I can not (more on that in a second).

Here’s what I’m pissed about (and this is the short version).

1. Emphasis on silicon… but not enough. The iPad 2 has posted some impressive gains in horsepower moving to the “A5” chip. Dual core, 1GHz, much more powerful GPU performance. All great… but it’s only got 512MB of RAM when nearly every other competing Android tablet has 1GB.

2. The storage sizes still cap at 64GB, same as last year. I want the iPad to do for my videoes what the iPod does for my music. Allow me to carry my whole damn collection with me. The biggest config should have been 128MB and/or they should have added USB or SD card support (which pretty much every Android tablet has SD card support). iOS should support removable storage solutions.

3. Cameras – one of the reasons I sat out of last year’s iPad was no camera. I use my iPhone 3G (yes, only 3G… pity me) camera all the time for automatic uploads to my Flickr account from wherever I happen to be (roaming data charges notwithstanding). Given that I’m not likely to have an upgraded phone any time soon (it’s a work phone I’ve moved my personal number to which IT will upgrade once every ten years and I’m not carrying two devices) I really wanted an external high grade camera. Seriously, at about 1MP on the back and VGA on the front, I’ll bet Apple had to work to find such low resolution CCDs to put in this thing.

4. Same display as iPad1 – nuff said.

5. Getting one – Ok, Apple announces the launch last week. Time to go preorder at Apple.com. WTF, I can’t? I have to check back on March 11 the day of launch? I check Best Buy.com and Amazon.com. They have them listed but you can’t preorder at those places either. WTF! Ok, as it happens, I’m stuck in Japan as I write this due to the largest earthquake this country has ever seen, so on the morning of the 12th here (the 11th stateside) I roll into Apple.com to order one. Expected delivery 2-3 weeks. Ok, I check BBY.com. “Item in-store only”. Are you seriously shitting me? Why didn’t it say that LAST week when it was announced? What the hell sort of customer service is that. So the only allocations went to retail so the only people who can get them have to wait in line for 12+ hours so you have PR shots to show how cool your product is? Why the fuck did you even launch if you haven’t built enough to supply your highest margin channel with any goods, your fucking eStore?

Don’t get me wrong. As a tech geek, I’m thrilled when more cores, MHz and such get added, but it’s the lowest hanging fruit that required no thought in design. Fucking Moore’s law takes care of that for you. It’s expected. Apple has thrived by creating the unexpected and there’s nothing unexpected in this product.

It’s not like it was terribly hard to figure out what fans wanted from the next iteration. There’s plenty of folks who expressed disappointment on what wasn’t in the iPad 1, which sadly are the same things I’m complaining about on the iPad 2.

So with all of my bitching, why didn’t I just go buy a Motorola Xoom or a Samsung Galaxy tab, both of which have addressed what I’m talking about? Because in spite of many improvements, I believe Honeycomb still won’t be the best OS for monetization. In turn that means it’s still not the primary focus for content creators (even though it’s “winning” or soon will be “winning” on so many fronts). For a consumer like me, the content is king. And that situation partially pisses me off too because I’d like to see Android push Apple a bit harder so that it can’t sit back on its laurels and release an iPad 1.5. That said, I’m sure in the next 12-18 months I will ALSO have an Android tablet of some form or another. Probably Tegra-3-based. With more RAM, larger storage configs and SD card support and a 5MP shooter (at least) on the back with LED flash. Will it cost more than an iPad2? Probably, but marginally so and I’ll pay that too.

And yet, I’ve still ordered one from Apple.com. No, I won’t have it for my primary e-reader and general computing device to use on the Lido deck of the cruise I’ll be on in about a week. I’ll be lugging my heavy laptop with me to deal with the email I’ll be working on and such. It’ll probably come a week or two after I’m back.

And this is why I’m such a pathetic schlub. In spite of my displeasure, Apple still gets my support. I’m a Stepford wife. A hostage suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

Oddly, venting in this fashion makes me feel better. I hope that damn thing is waiting for me when I get back from the cruise.